


Sorry

by Queen_Morbid



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Foreplay, Love, Love Triangles, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 16:23:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16998444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Morbid/pseuds/Queen_Morbid
Summary: For a year, the Reader and Tig have been seeing each other on and off. But far before it was the two of them, she had loved another man as well. Kozik. When he returned to Tacoma, the Reader focused solely on Tig. However, when the fearless Tacoma outlaw returns to Charming, a battle breaks out with her heart. Who will she choose? The man who left her, or the man who stuck by her side.





	1. Chapter 1

It had been in the early hours of the morning that Y/N had climbed out of Tig Trager’s bed. Home to him was the dorm provided by the club. Which she had learned to love, it had been her sanctuary for the last year. Even going to the far extent of selling her house and taking refuge with the outlaw who owned half of her heart. The raven-haired man had been passed out in the bed beside her, snoring peacefully. He reeked of liquor and weed, nothing about that being unusual though.

She had to be at work by 8am, and that required showering to wake herself up. Most nights spent with Tig involved staying up late and engaging in anarchy. However, she had to draw a line when it came to work. She couldn’t party every night, she had responsibilities. Not that he didn’t, hers were just a little more specific. Running a company wasn’t an easy task, and she didn’t fool around when it came to her lively hood.

She worked for Elliot Oswald, being his right hand when it came to everything involving his company and Charming. Yet, somewhere down the road, she had tangled herself up with the Sons. Specifically, Herman Kozik. She knew all SAMCRO, had heard all the gossip. They were a bad bunch, and people needed to be careful around them. As Elliot said, they were ‘A bunch of no good thugs.’ On a business trip to Tacoma, Washington was where she met Kozik.

And everything she had learned and been warned about the Sons, went right out at the door. He was a bad boy with the sweetest, softest side. He was rugged and sexy, and she had lost herself in him. He would come to visit the Charming Charter, but also to see her in town. Eventually, she was being brought around his friends, the people he loved and die for.

It was easy to see the flaws in the town folk’s lies, sure the Sons were rough around the edges, but they were genuine. Only wanted what was best for their town. It was even easier to grow attached to all Kozik’s friends, eventually even being considered family. However, the night Kozik dumped her, was the night Tig Trager soothed all her frustration and pain away.

Both had been drunk, and Tig wasn’t all that fond of Kozik for his own reasons. Yet, he did care for Y/N and hated to see her all fucked up over blondie. Besides, she was a sweet, young thing and he didn’t mind burying himself in her.

However, neither of them had planned for their little tryst to continue for as long as it had. Real feelings had been developed easily for them, any spare time was spent together, and love was made constantly. Nothing ever had been official between the two, but Y/N never bothered fooling around with anyone else. Tig did, and she cared but had no place to say otherwise. But, even if he fucked other women, he was always returning to her, his interest in her never faltering.

Every other woman paled in comparison to Y/N, and he knew that.

Hot water paraded down her scalp and back, pores soaking up the heat. Tense muscles were soothed and restored to their former glory. Suds were lathered around every curve and crevice she could find. Hair slicked back and hanging down her spine, droplets of water spiraling downwards. She was in the process of rinsing off when she heard the curtain being yanked open. With a surprised yelp, she jumped back and covered her breasts and groin with her hands. “Goddammit!”

Tig looked at her with a sleepy smile, a hand of his own running through his unruly locks. “Mornin’ pussycat.”

Narrowing her eyes at him, she’d eventually drop her shield and continuing rinsing off. “Don’t do that Alex, I hate when you do that. I could have slipped and broken my neck.” She lectured.

He dramatically rolled his eyes before beginning to peel the leather from his torso. “I’ll make it up to you.” Y/N’s gaze shot towards him, one brow arching in a questionable manner. She carefully watched him as he stripped down. The moment his morning erection sprang free, she could feel the heat ignite in her core.

“Sex isn’t the answer to everything, ya know.” She purred, clearly transfixed on his hard cock.

Blue eyes locked onto her before slowly rolling over her naked body. His head tilted somewhat in appreciation as he scoured the entirety of her form. He hungrily let his gaze crawl up the leanness of her legs before roping around the angle of her curves. Then he was humming in approval of that toned, flat stomach, before landing on full, overwhelming breast. They weren’t over exaggerated in size like other women he had been with, but nonetheless, they were definitely a handful.

She had pink, puckered nipples, which begged for his lips to wrap around. Her skin was smooth, almost silken in texture, enticing him with every stroke and kiss. And without her even turning around, he could visualize her ever so lovely backside .Y/N had a plump, perky ass, which he swore he could bounce a Nickle off. He could also picture the curve of her back, and the way the indentations of where her cheeks and thighs met.

“No, but it sure is a good answer.” He replied smugly.

Y/N’s lips tugged back in a grin before she allowed her back to press against the tiled wall. Tig wasted no time in stalking towards her and shutting the curtain behind him. The shower had suddenly become much smaller, teetering to claustrophobia.

The water now beat down on the outlaw’s body, soaking him efficiently. Yet, as the water pore across rippling muscles and a chiseled chest, his eyes never fled from her body. The way she was pressed up against the wall, eyes expectant and hungry, made him growl with reverence. His own desire seemed to peak as she slowly ran a hand up her thigh, getting dangerously close to his destination. “You just gonna stand there and look pretty, Tiggy?”

With a snarl, he was closing the small gap between them and searing his kiss onto her lips. Then they were a tangle of wet limbs and hungry mouths. Hands roaming over every possible inch of each other’s bodies. Then he was swiftly grabbing one of her legs and hiking it upwards, forcing her to rest the base of her inner thigh right against his hip bone.

He then patted at her other leg, growling out a demand. “Spread em.” She managed to hobble with her one leg, spreading it further apart from the other. Tig was big on foreplay, finding pleasure in the incessant teasing and over stimulation. Especially with Y/N, if he teased, then she teased right back. However, on certain days like this, there was only the need to be fulfilled. He just wanted a quick little taste.

She placed both hands on his shoulders, keeping herself steady while one of his hand’s clutched her thigh tightly to him. His flesh was warm, inviting, and all she wanted to do was kiss every piece of him. He managed to situate himself between her spread open legs, his erection pressing firmly against her lower abdomen. Then there was that familiar clench of her walls and the soaring of her senses. He had a way of doing that, completely possessing her by such simple actions. She had been so interested in his cock, watching the precum leaking from the small slit, that she hadn’t noticed his available hand sneaking between their bodies. Not until she felt two fingers at her entrance and then them plunging inwards.

There was a fullness felt, but not the one she craved desperately. But it would do, for now at least. A hiss of satisfaction escaped her control as she tilted her pelvis upwards to meet those grazing fingers. Tig gazed down at her with a cocky smirk, brushing his nose across her cheek. “Always so ready for me huh babe?”

Finger pads began prodding at the warm flesh that enveloped them before he started forcing them into a ‘come hither’ motion. Her head could only rollback, a content sigh intermixed with her words. “Y-Yes, Alex.”

No doubt about it, he knew the female body entirely too well. He knew all the right spots to make her squirm and come undone in minutes. But he also knew how to drag out the feeling, that euphoric high. He forced his skillful digits further in, spreading her entrance as far open as he could. Then he was retracting them and then slowly pushing them forward, earning a whimper from Y/N.

The clenching of her walls made him grunt, forcefully rubbing his dick against her, needing a bit of friction himself. While he kept toying with that insatiable pussy, he lowered his head and began pressing delicate kisses to her collarbone. Each thrust forward was met with the grinding of her hips, only encouraging him. Eventually, his tongue had coiled around a nipple where he began sucking slow, damn near tormenting her.

Teeth gripped at the pebbled nub, tugging it back and earning a mewl. “Fuck, Alex.” One arm unwound itself from his neck, slithering down his stomach and halting at his pulsating cock. He was then sucking gently once more on the nipple before releasing it and biting along the side of her breasts. Yet, when she grabbed ahold of his cock, he tensed and let out a pent-up grunt.

They grasped and tugged at each other’s bodies, completely high off one another. The more he moved his fingers inside of her, the more she stroked his shaft. This only edging them closer and closer to combustion. After several minutes of pawing at each other, Tig had grown rock solid and miserable. He needed to pour his load into her, to get the aching sensation out of his balls.

He slowly drew his fingers from her core, bringing them to his lips. Then they were engulfed by his mouth and tongue, relishing in the way she tasted. She was sweet, taste buds going haywire with carnal hunger. He set her leg down, eyes dark and illuminating with the need that he had. “Bend over.” He ordered with a breathy demand.

The bathroom had filled up with steam, clouding and encircling their bodies. His demand was one that shot a sense of thrill through every nerve ending in her body. She rotated, back to his front as she placed her hands on the wall, bending over and presenting her bare ass to him.

“You’re gonna give me a heart attack here babe.” He sighed, hands roaming over the fullness of her ass-cheeks.

Hips moved side to side in a teasing fashion which only earned a harsh smack, a whimper of surprise vibrating within her throat. “Such a good girl…” He smirked, aligning the head of his cock at her sopping entrance. It wasn’t as if they had been without each other in days, for fuck’s sake they had screwed just the day before, but when they got each other like this, it was like embarking on a journey to heaven.

Y/N could only anticipate his next move, teeth hooked inwardly on her bottom lip. She was growing impatient, thighs pressing together on and off, adding pressure to the small, swollen bud hiding underneath a hood. But that lack of patience quickly dissolved once he was pushing his cock forward, swiftly burying himself at the hilt.

And in sync, moans fled their lips, taking a moment to revel in the way it felt to be filled and the way it felt to fill. He was big, thick, walls instinctively tightening around his shaft, already attempting to milk him for his worth. She was warm, soft, wet, massaging and contracting around him with desire. A desire that only he could sate, a desire that was only fueled by him.

His rough hands found her hips where he gripped tightly, leaving claiming marks. Then he was moving inside of her, forcing her head back and her spine arching. Each thrust forward, she met by moving backward, rotating those hips slowly. They kept up at their game for several, drawn-out minutes. Bringing each other to the edge of release, only to be pulled right back from it.

They could tease and tease one another relentlessly, finding satisfaction in the pleading cries and moans that they both offered. Bodies moved in rhythm, skin crackling with electricity while the hot water rained down on bare silhouettes. Sounds of chassis colliding repetitively could be heard amongst breathless moans and curses of approval.

Bites, scratches, and love marks were given to the other, pleased smiles and ushers of admiration danced in the air. They peaked together, the eruption of their juices flowed and intermingled in a single embrace. In one single movement, they had branded each other with their scents and sweet fluids.

Sex with them was never just sex. It was two souls connecting, grasping for the other. It was love, even if those words hadn’t ever been said.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

 

8 PM

Exhaustion had infected every fiber of her being, and all she wanted to do was curl up in bed. Which had been her goal since she had left work, which had been extremely busy, and she wasn’t allowed to leave until she had settled everything. Her lower half was draped in a black pencil skirt that cut off above her knees, while a baby blue long sleeve blouse was tucked beneath the waistband. Black heels clicked across the cement as she made her way from her car to the clubhouse entrance.

A purse was slung across her shoulder as she yawned tiredly. Yet, just as she was rounding the corner, she was faced with a row of extra Harley’s. These hadn’t been the local boy’s, but possibly from another charter. Pursing her lips somewhat, she’d turn to continue walking but ran smack dab into a hard chest.

“Sonofabitch.” She snarled.

Large hands gripped her arms to steady her before gaining her attention. “Happy? What the hell are you doing here?” She asked with a welcoming grin.

Coal irises scoured her body with a swift swoop, before offering a small grin in her direction. “Club stuff, Tacoma’s been hell without ya girl.”

She could only playfully nudge him before wrapping an arm around his waist, allowing him to lead her back in. “Well, what can I say. I am the life of the party.” She teased.

But once they entered the clubhouse, the entire universe shifted. Because sitting at the bar, with his steely blue eyes locked on her body, was the man who broken her will and stolen the other half of her heart.

“Koz.” She deadpanned, leaning dizzily into Happy’s side, wanting desperately to disappear.


	2. Chapter 2

For the longest time, all she could do was stare at Kozik, unsure of what to do, and what to say. She thought he’d remain a ghost of her past, but here he was, alive and well. His blue eyes did that tantalizing swoop over her form, finding that not much had changed about her. She was still insanely gorgeous, still, the same woman he had left in the dust, running away from all his obligations and promises. Like he always did.

The strong façade she had worn for the last several months, began faltering. Happy had his arm still coiled around her, and she was sure without his support, she would have fallen. “Thanks for the heads up, Hap.” She grumbled. The Tacoma Killer shrugged before pressing a kiss into her temple and untangling their limbs. Her rock-solid support-system had gone and begun mingling with the other outlaws, leaving her to stand there awkwardly.

She was uncomfortable, and it was noticeable. Kozik had been a big piece of her past, and when he left her, he took a half of her heart. He claimed the relationship life wasn’t for him, and he had said so much hurtful shit to just get her to hate him. Of course, it had worked. But nothing had worked more than his abandonment, for that, she’d always be bitter towards him. The one man she had given her all to, had used her up to his liking, then discarded her without a second thought.

“What are you doing here?” She asked.

Kozik stood up, hooking his thumbs in the belt loops of his jeans. He cautiously stepped towards her, desperately wanting to be closer. “Transfer.” Was his one-worded response.

She could only let out a snort, shoulders tense with unease. “That’s just wonderful.” Came a sarcastic retort.

His brows furrowed, and he carefully analyzed her, despite him being the one to end things. It still stung to see that she was upset about seeing him. Somewhere deep down, he hoped she would have been still in love with him, happy to see him. Yet, it was evident, she was not in the slightest bit happy to see him in Charming once more.

And if he was going to be staying here, he needed to patch up the things he had fucked up. Somewhere down the road, he had realized what a monumental mistake he had made by breaking up with her. His transfer to the Charming Charter was just a scheme to help earn her back. He needed to weasel his way back into her life, where he planned on staying for good.

“Can we talk?” He asked.

For months, she had wanted some sort of closure with Herman, but now that she was actually going to get it, it petrified her. Yet, that missing piece of her heart was shining brightly within him, and she couldn’t help but give in and nod at his question.

He strode calmly by her before leading the way outside, a place where they could be alone. She was quick to follow, completely blind-sided by the fact that the previous love of her life, was here. He took a seat on top of the picnic table, hands resting on his knees. She couldn’t sit, she needed to stay standing, she needed to remain strong.

“What did you want to talk about?” She said softly, gaze directed towards the floor sheepishly.

Kozik knew Y/N better than he knew anyone else, probably better than she knew herself. He could see how anxious she was, and how she was avoiding eye contact. It was as if she were afraid of him, but he knew it wasn’t that. She was scared to look at him because she would break down, and she was too strong to do that. His little warrior.

“Everything. Uh, fuck. I mean, us. I want to talk about us.” He stated.

That had caught her attention, her attention immediately fixating on him. “Us? There is no us, you made sure of that.” She grimaced.

He tersely ran a hand through his hair, exhaling abruptly. “I shouldn’t have left you, I fucked it all up. Just because I was scared of being with you, of drawing you into the life. I did some stupid shit, and I just want you to know I’m sorry, and that I haven’t stopped loving you.”

Her pupils widened, and she could only whimper before biting into her lower lip. These had been the words she had longed to hear for months. The words she needed to keep her moving, to help her forgive him. Because, as much as she loved Tig, she still loved Kozik. They both owned a half of her heart, and she was now torn between the two. “What do you want from me, Kozik?” She sighed.

His lanky arm extended, fingers curling around her wrist and drawing her close. Eventually, she was trapped between his legs, a hand slowly pushing the hair back from her face. Warm breath fanned out across her lips, making her stomach tighten. “I want you, I want us.”

Y/N could feel that piece of her heart that was owned by Kozik, begin pumping wildly. Roaring his name, demanding that she take him back, demanding her to forget about Tig. But she couldn’t, one side of her wanted Kozik, the other yearned for Tig.

She slowly stepped back, head shaking side to side. “The moment you left me, you took a piece of my heart. A piece, I never got back. And while you carried on with your life, so did I. My heart doesn’t just belong to you anymore, it belongs to the man that helped patch up the damage you created.” She glanced at him.

Her words were a massive blow to his ego, and more importantly, his heart. All he had wanted was her, and yet here she was, in love with another man. Anger began gnawing at his nerve endings, riling him up and sending him teetering along the edge.

“Who is it?” He growled.

And as he did, the mechanical roar of Tig’s chopper came rolling down the lot. Y/N’s gaze flitted towards him and allowed her lips to tilt back into a half-assed smile. “It’s Tig.”

The announcement of who Y/N’s new lover, had sent Kozik spiraling downwards. All he saw was black, how could one of his own brother’s betray him? Sleep with his girl? Where was the loyalty?

Both Kozik and Y/N stood there, watching Tig approach, the curly-headed outlaw’s gaze immediately captured by Y/N. “Pussycat.” He greeted with a smile. Then he realized just who was standing beside her and his own temper began to flare.

He knew the damage he had done to Y/N, and he wasn’t exactly a fan of him. Sure, the two men had a history, but Trager had an unsaid love for the woman. He wasn’t about to watch her get hurt again, not by the blonde douche bag.

“Your fucking my girl?” Kozik asked.

Tig cocked his head before flashing a 1000-watt grin in his friend’s direction. “Oh yeah, someone had to clean up the mess you made.”

Then all hell broke loose, Kozik lunging forward and slamming his fist into Tig’s nose. Y/N let out a cry, trying to step in between them, but she was forcefully shoved aside by the two. All that was heard were grunts, curses, and the pounding of limbs against each other. Each man got good punches in, but Tig was crazier, he would resort to extreme measures if he had to.

Kozik swung a close-handed fist into Tig’s nose once more, blood pouring effortlessly as he continued to hammer into his face. Nonetheless, Tig was quick to react, throwing his knee into Kozik’s stomach, making his movements halt and double over in pain. He let out an aspirated groan, trying to catch his breath.

“You stupid shit, you think you can come back and swoop her off her feet? She ain’t yours anymore, she’s mine.” Tig growled.

Then his boot was colliding with Kozik’s face, sending him flying back on his ass.

Y/N kept trying to intervene, but it was no use. She couldn’t stop these two, she was too damn small. So, she went inside and began rounding up the rest of the gang, needing an army to pry the two apart. Yet, as she was doing that, the two outside were becoming rowdier.

Herman eventually got back to his feet, but Tig was unsheathing his gun and aiming at him. But the blonde outlaw was quick on his feet dodging the bullets there were being unloaded from the pistol. “You fucking psycho!” He screamed at Tig.

As he was running away, he unleashed his own parade of bullets. Their aim being terrible in this gunfight, no one sustaining any injuries. The time they had run out of bullets, Happy, Juice, Chibs, and Bobby was all rushing outside, trying to calm them down.

 

20 minutes later, and the police had arrived. Kozik was handcuffed and sitting at the bench, while Tig was put in the back of a cruiser. His bloodied face peered out the window, staring at Y/N with a stoic face. She could only frown in his direction, before shaking her head and turning away.

Both men had acted like complete idiots, making a scene out of nothing. All of this could have been avoided if she hadn’t loved either of them. Yet, she did, and now she was faced with a dilemma. Who would she choose?

“Tell Tig, I’ll bail him out in the morning. I don’t want to deal with this shit tonight.” She said to Bobby, who nodded and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“So that’s it, you’re choosing him?” Kozik barked from the side.

Y/N turned to him, tears brimming over. “No, Kozik. I’m helping him like he helped me. Both of you need to rot in your cells for a night. You both fucked up.” She sighed.

Eventually, she had disappeared from sight, getting lost in the emptiness of the bed in Tig’s dorm. She lied there, staring at the wall as she decided what to do.

Who to choose.


	3. Chapter 3

“You’re a doll, always bailin’ me out.” Tig said softly, brushing his lips across Y/N’s cheek.

She could only lean into his familiar touch, before giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, I know. But you’re my favorite guy, so it’s only natural that I do.”

“Come back to the clubhouse with me, I wanna make it up to you.” He said with a seductive growl.

Her lips slowly peeled back in a grin, knowing he always made good on his word. “I’ll meet you back there a little bit later, I got a few errands to run.”

He hesitated briefly, a flash of concern lighting up in his eyes, but was soon brushed away. He straddled his chopper before landing a playful swat to Y/N’s ass. “Be safe babe, see ya later.” Tig revved his engine before taking off down the road.

It was one thing to “bail” Tig out of jail, but it was something else entirely to bail Kozik out. There was still so many things left unsaid to him, and in a sick way, she felt bad that he was locked up. Knowing, it was the majority of her fault. If he didn’t know her and Tig were a ‘thing’ then they would have never gotten into a fight.

Unser had been on SAMCRO’s payroll for many years, so it was easy to slip members in and out of their cells without too much speculation. However, Kozik wasn’t from Charming, and although he was a man of mayhem, he couldn’t be freed from jail without a hefty sum of bail money.

If she would have asked Jax for the money to do it, he would have without hesitation. They all saw one another as brothers, but she didn’t feel right going to the President of SAMCRO, asking for bail money to save her ex-boyfriend. Especially, if that meant Tig would find out.

“It’s his first offense in this town, therefore the cost won’t be as much. However, if there is a repeat, he could face jail time or a larger fine.” Said one of the Deputies.

Y/N merely nodded her head before handing her 800$ in cash, impatiently waiting for her to fetch Kozik.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

His anger had quickly faded the moment he was put in the back of a cruiser. However, the frustration, the betrayal still latched onto him like a leech. He never expected Y/N to wait around for him, but he also never thought she would move onto one of his own brothers. He especially never thought that Tig would submerge into a relationship with his ex, the woman who had been ole lady worthy.

“Kozik, your bail has been posted.” Said a guard.

“By who?” He replied curiously, but there was no response. Instead, the Deputy had unlocked the holding cell and allowed the outlaw to step out.

The time he had reached the lobby, he found Y/N sitting there, gaze directed to the window beside her. Rays of sunlight captured her in a golden halo, only enouncing her flawlessness. Did she bail him out? Why would she? Didn’t she hate him?

His strides were slow, overly cautious as he approached her. The rattling of the chain that dangled from his jeans had caught her attention, eyes shooting to him almost immediately. In that moment, he froze, completely blown away by the woman he had left months ago. The woman he had tried desperately to forget but couldn’t. Who could ever forget a woman like her? No one, not even God himself. 

“Hey.” She greeted, eventually rising to her feet.

“Hey.” He repeated, carefully eying her with a questionable expression.

“Did you bail me out?” Kozik asked, hands shifting into the front pockets of his jeans.

He watched her run a hand through her hair tersely, it being one of her nervous ticks. He could spot it anywhere, but he also knew her better than anyone else. He knew she was unsure, and nervous about being around him. “Yeah, I did. I wanted to talk to you, we didn’t get to finish our conversation last night.” She said.

To say he was shocked, would be an understatement. He for sure thought she would just bail Tig out and continue on with life. So, to hear her say that she wanted to talk to him, made his hopes rise up. Hopes that she would take him back, hope that they could start fresh.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

They stood feet apart, aimlessly walking down the main street of Charming’s quaint little center stone. It was a sunny morning, the heat of it pouring down on the back of their heads. She had said she wanted to talk, but for the last ten minutes, all they had done was walk in silence. She couldn’t find the words she wanted to say to him, because his sudden reappearance had brought up old feelings, old love.

So, she started from the beginning. “When you left, you took a piece of my heart. A piece that you will forever own, and I hate to say that, to admit such weakness, but it’s true. I loved you in a way that terrified me because I had never been so codependent on someone else before. I never needed or wanted someone so damn much, not like I did with you.”

His blue eyes darted to her, comprehending everything she had to say.

“But you were selfish, you only cared about yourself. You couldn’t handle a relationship, and while you lived in Tacoma, I had to patch myself up. I had to find a way to heal, and I did. I found Tig, and it wasn’t supposed to last as long as it did, but it has. While you own one half of my heart, he owns the other. You are my kryptonite and he’s my saving grace. And I feel so confused, so hurt, because I love you both so much.” There was a wavering to her voice, which made him tense and her gaze to focus ahead. Not wanting to expose any more vulnerability than she had already.

“You weren’t my first, but you were my first love. My first, true love. And Tig, he’s the second love of my life. You both live inside my chest, taking up space there and now that you’ve come back. I can’t think straight, I can’t. Because you’ve now taken space up in my head. You come back professing your love and the mistake you made in leaving me, expecting me to take you back.”

His head hung low in regret, and she could only continue to keep that distance between them.

“Everything you said, I waited for a year, I waited every day for you to come back and tell me how sorry you were, how much you loved me. But I’m not sure if I continue to love you cause’ you hurt me, or because I want something more from you. I don’t know, the pain you inflicted on me has become my drug. I’m addicted to it, but it’s not good for me.” She sighed softly, tears falling quietly down her cheeks. 

Kozik stopped walking and immediately gripped her bicep, causing her to stop as well. He forced her to look at him and when she did, they both felt that intoxicated love coming rip-roaring back to life.

“I don’t know what it was about you that caught my eye. Maybe it was your wild hair, or your daring eyes, or the fact that you weren’t afraid to put anyone in their place, but something in you, made me gravitate towards you. From the moment I saw you walk into that bar, I’ve loved you and every day after. I made a mistake in leaving, and it’s one I’ll always regret. Because you are the only woman for me, I don’t want to be your kryptonite babe, I want to be your superman.” He said, his thumb stroking circles over her damp cheek.

She couldn’t help the free-roaming tears, or the utter adoration she had for Kozik. And all she could think about while looking at him is how much she wanted to kiss him. However, he seemed to have had read her mind because he was soon leaning down and placing a searing kiss across her plump lips. His hands roaming down the length of her body before encircling her waist.

And while two old lovers reunited, there was a man scorned across the street, staring idly from an ice cream parlor. Tig would never admit it, but he swore that day he could feel a bit of him die off.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

It had been two hours later when Y/N had returned to the clubhouse. Kozik had taken a ride with Happy to Stockton State Prison to visit a member who had been locked up for years. There was an underlying guilt nestled in the pit of her stomach as she stepped through the clubhouse doors. Mainly because she hadn’t only kissed Kozik but also had sex with him.

Shoes pattered against the floor as she made her back to Tig’s dorm, only wanting to hide beneath the sheets. However, when she entered the room, she was stunned to find him sitting on the edge of the bed. He lacked any visible facial expression, in fact, he was so still and quiet that it unnerved her. Setting her bag down on the small table near the door, she’d frown. “Tig, what’s wrong?”

He remained silent until he barked out a question that made her sick. “Did you fuck him?”

And all she could do was play stupid, pretend that she hadn’t just been devoured by Kozik. “Who?”

In a flurry of rage, Tig was at his feet, tossing aside the wooden chair that was a few feet away from him. “Don’t play fucking stupid Y/N, you know god damn well who I’m talkin’ about.”

She bit into her bottom lip to keep back a yelp, before taking a cowardice step back.

Icy blue eyes darted to her, legs drawing him closer to her. “Answer me!” he growled.

“Yes! Okay! Yes! I did, I slept with him.” She cried, guilty and frustrated tears forming.

His face was only a few inches from hers, his gaze narrowed down at her while his upper lip quirked into a scowl. “You’re a dirty fuckin’ bitch.”

His words were like a slap to the face, and in a sense, she couldn’t blame him for what he said, for what he thought. She had slept with her ex-boyfriend, while simultaneously screwing Tig on the side. Yet, she couldn’t deny how much his words broke her.

“Don’t call me that.” She mewled.

Tig was soon cornering her against the wall, trapping her between his arms as his hands dug into the wallpaper. “That’s what you are.”

Hands formed into fists at her side, trying her hardest not to unleash on him. But it couldn’t be helped, because the way he was staring at her, made her realize that she was never a priority in his life either. He was always fucking her, and other women as well, it was never her, it would never be just her.

“Says the man who fucks me, then an hour later goes and fucks someone else. Don’t you ever try to shame me for what I did, when you go out and do the same thing every day. You’re not better than me, and you’re not in my shoes, you don’t understand what I’m going through.” She snapped.

He scoffed before pulling away from her. “There differences between me and you doll is that I only love one woman that I fuck, and I come home to her every night.”

Tig was soon grabbing his kutte and stalking out of the dorm, slamming the door behind him.

While she had waited for Kozik to admit his wrongs and come back, she had also been waiting for Tig’s confession of love.

And when he had finally said it in the midst of the jumble, she could only feel the piece of her heart that belonged to him, cry out for its owner. Y/N slowly slid over to the bed where she sat on the edge, looking blankly at the floor as incoherent sobs shook her body.

The one person who had been there for her, she had hurt. She had betrayed him so effortlessly, and now he was gone. All for the sake of a man who had left her broken and torn in the dust.


	4. Chapter 4

Eyes ghosted across the yellowing stains along the ceiling, and the overwhelming, and forever looming stench of cigarettes plagued the mattress she lied on top of. It was quiet enough that she could hear a couple a few doors down fucking like wild, crazed, animals. After the blow out with Tig, Y/N had found sanctity in a dingy, worn down motel room. Yet, it was hard to disappear in a town that was run by bikers, bikers that all knew just who she was.

“The differences between me and you doll is that I only love one woman that I fuck, and I come home to her every night.” Were the words that haunted her, further tightening the knots in her stomach.

It was no surprise that Tig fucked around with other women, but what had come as a shocker, was that he actually loved her. He saw her as more than just a pair of tits, or someone he could bury his dick in, he saw her as something else, some worthy of his untamable heart. Yet, he had been so reckless with hers, in fact, he had inflicted so many scars and seared his name into her heart, that she knew it would never heal properly.

Just like the part of her heart that had never fully recovered from Kozik’s abandonment.

She felt guilty, and she knew why she did. While Tig fucked whomever he wanted, it was never with someone he loved. Y/N, on the other hand, had fallen so hopelessly back into Herman’s trap, giving him her body, the one Tig had marked and claimed repetitively over the course of a year. It was not easy loving two men, it was damn near impossible, but she couldn’t help how she felt.

At the end of the day, she could see herself with either of them. There was Kozik who was more stable, his mood didn’t switch constantly, he was faithful; for the most part. He also had admitted in the past of wanting a family with Y/N. And then there was Tig who was a loose cannon, a man with no morals or ethics. He didn’t care who he hurt, as long as he got what he wanted. He was a rip-roaring storm, wreaking chaos everywhere he went. They had never spoken about having kids, nor ever taking their relationship to the next level.

Was there even a next level with Tig Trager? Who knew.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

‘I’ll be there in an hour, finishin’ up some shit with Happy & Op.” Was the text from Kozik, and Y/N read it with a scowl.

She was now standing outside of the clubhouse, music raging in the background. It was another Saturday night and it was no surprise that was a party being held at the Son’s stomping ground. Kozik had messaged her earlier in the day, inviting her over, but she had refused. She didn’t want to see Tig, and she definitely didn’t want to be put between them again, who knew how another one of their fights would end. However, Kozik had sworn Tig wouldn’t be there, and after reminding Herman that she didn’t know what she wanted, she agreed to go and see him and the others.

As soon as she entered the clubhouse, the stale scent of old booze tickled the entrance of her nose. Over time, the smell had become familiar, one that she recognized as home. Yet, once she left, she had stayed away, the smell now foreign in her mind and unwelcomed.

“Fox! Good to see you kid.” Bobby hollered from near the pool table, a cigar in hand.

Her lips tilted into a smile at the nickname, one she had earned amongst the ranks of men. If she had been a man, it was obvious she would have been a patched member of SAMCRO. The nickname had been given to her sly, vexing, dastardly ways when she drank too much. She had the habit of hustling the men out of their money at pool or even other drunken, party games.

Nonetheless, she was a valued member of the family, even though she was now treading dangerously over two men’s hearts.

“Bobby, I expect a game later.” She winked, which earned a chuckle from the man.

“No way darlin’, I ain’t ever bettin’ against you again.” He said.

She could only shrug with a large smirk. “Wise man!”

Men and women had begun flocking in, filling the clubhouse idly. Most of them she knew, some were also crow eaters. Women who have a particular taste for leather-clad men and trouble.

She had found a place at the bar, making small talk with Juice as he kept her glass full. “Juicey, stop giving me refills. I won’t be able to get home tonight.” She growled playfully.

“This is your home, we are family. Just because you’re going through shit, doesn’t mean we stop caring. You can always crash in my room if you need to. Loosen up, you deserve it. I got you.” He leaned forward, ruffling her hair.

Y/N could only coo at the cute Puerto Rican before downing the remnants of her drink.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

An hour had come and gone and there was still no sign of Kozik, Opie, or Happy. Whatever they were doing had either gone completely south, or they were god awful slow. Yet, one person she hadn’t plan on seeing, showed up, his insatiable aura drawing her in, eliciting a fire in her belly that she thought had been doused.

He had glanced once in her direction but after that, refused to acknowledge her, even in the slightest. He was giving her the worst cold shoulder she had ever received, and the only way she could fix it was to get drunk. Maybe spending so much time with the outlaws had influenced her, forcing her to pick up terrible habits. Such as, drinking to relinquish the pain and frustration she felt.

“Give me something stronger.” She murmured to Juice.

He was quick to oblige, sliding her a double edge of whiskey and rum. The drink was one hell of a concoction, it also tasted like shit, but it began working it’s magic and that’s all she wanted. Something to help ease the memories away, to smother the temptations, and to demolish the pain.

Juice had passed his bartender duties onto a prospect, giving him time to sit down beside Y/N and to edge into a meaningful conversation. And although she tried to give him her undivided attention, she could only look longingly over his shoulder into Tig’s direction.

It wasn’t long before a crow eater had taken an interest in him, of course, it was one of the usual’s. One that had been passed around from man to man, taking whatever, she wanted. Y/N was positive she had seen Tig hook up with this particular woman before, but she couldn’t exactly remember. She was more focused on the way she draped an arm around her ex’s shoulder and pressed her fake tits into his chest.

Being only a simple man, it was easy for Tig to get lost in the captivating woman in front of him. But no matter what, no matter how hard he tried, Y/N’s face was all he saw. Taking the form of every woman he had tried to bag within the last week and ultimately failed at. She had kicked up dust in his mind, making it hazy and uncertain. Yet with all the uncertainty of the feelings she produced, he still wanted her, still loved her.

Hell, he was probably the most fucked up individual in the room, but she never cared. She loved him, she stuck by his side, until it all went to shit.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

The last fifteen minutes, she had spent watching Tig and the crow eater make out in the corner of the clubhouse. Every so often, Tig’s icy gaze would flicker in her direction, almost as if he wanted to make sure she was watching. The longer she spent staring, the more she grew angry, and the more her heart crumpled. If he was paying her back for what she had done with Kozik, then it was working.

It had been easy to slip into a severely intoxicated state, her judgment a little compromised, but everything she was feeling was everything she would have felt if she was sober.

Y/N’s cloudy eyes fell to Tig’s hands as they grabbed the woman’s ass, squeezing it while licking a stripe across her neck.

“I’m gonna be sick.” She slurred towards Juice before jumping out of the seat and rushing out the front door.

She used the wall as support, her body bent at an awkward angle as she tried upchucking all the liquor in her stomach. All that came out, however, was empty retches and slight whimpers. The cold air of the night tickled her bare arms, forcing her into a state of relaxation. Instinctively she wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand, only getting rid of a bit of saliva.

“Fuck.” She groaned before pressing her back into the wall, leaning fully against it.

Slowly, her eyes had fallen closed as she tried to force the nauseous feeling away. When the door of the clubhouse squeaked open, she only assumed it was Juice checking in on her. “I’m fine Juicey, just needed some air.”

“You don’t look good pussycat,” Tig said with a rough draw.

His voice twisted around her body, squeezing it and making her nerves hum to life. Peeling her lids open, she glanced somewhat in his direction. “Thanks.”

“Where’s your boy toy at?” He asked.

Y/N tensed before pushing off the wall, stumbling forward a bit. Blazing eyes darted to the curly-headed biker, stepping cautiously towards him. “Don’t start with me Trager, I have enough shit going on in my head. I don’t need any of your bullcrap.”

He dug his hands into the fronts of his jeans, only offering her a snort. “What shit do you have going on? Trying to decide which dick you want to ride tonight? Maybe you’ll move onto one of the other guys. Ya know, you can be all of our personal little slut.”

Even in her inebriated state, she knew an insult when she heard it. So, it was no surprise when she slammed her hand into his cheek, feeling the sting on her own flesh, she knew she had landed a good one. “Don’t fucking talk to me like that. You out of all people have no room to talk about being a slut, as you’re dry fucking out in the open for everyone to see. You have no idea what I’m dealing with, how I’m feeling.”

His jaw flexed as he rubbed the red, irritated skin of his cheek. Within an instant, he was grabbing her wrists and forcing her back against the wall, pinning her arms above her head with a firm pressure. She struggled against him, bucking around like a bronco, but his hold was too strong.

“Get the fuck off me.” She spat venomously.

“Why did you do it? Why did you ruin what we had? Was he worth it?” He growled in her face.

His sudden questions made her shrink back before rediscovering her voice. “What we had? You mean me being devoted to you, loving you, while you went and fucked whoever you wanted, while you just used me? It was clearly nothing special Tig, because if you loved me like you claimed, then our situation would have been completely different.”

There was an evident pain in the depths of his eyes, but he quickly shielded himself, unwilling to show an ounce of vulnerability. 

“You moved on pretty fast though, I’d get back to the bitch waiting for you.” She grunted, trying to jerk her wrists from his hands.

This only made him tighten his hold, her face contorting into a wince as she sucked in a breath.

“Are you jealous?” He asked.

Her eyes rolled dramatically as if he had asked the question, he should have known the answer to. “No shit, just because I slept with Kozik doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. I’m just trying to figure out everything, I’m trying to do what’s best for me. I can’t keep being hurt, it’s not fair, and it’s not fair that I keep hurting either of you.” Her voice softened.

Tears slowly began welling up before pushing towards the corner of her eyes and dripping down her cheeks. “I’m sorry Tig, but let’s face it. We weren’t ever going to last, you’re wild and free and I enjoy that about you, but I’m not the one who’s gonna tame you. I’m not gonna be the one who makes you want to stop fucking everything with a pulse. I’m j-just sorry.”

He looked down at her face, concern briefly flashing across his visage as he watched her silently cry. She was clearly in pain, not physical, but emotional. She felt guilty for what she had done with Kozik, and it was noticeable. She wanted his forgiveness, even if she couldn’t have his whole heart. She could settle with that, to just be forgiven for her betrayal. Yet, he wanted to be forgiven too, he wanted to give her his whole heart.

All the emotions he had developed over the months, were terrifying. But only because they were real because they came from a place inside of him that he thought had died off a long time ago. She wasn’t perfect, but neither was he, and he continuously had hurt even if she had never verbally said so.

He could always see the disappoint in her eyes when she found hickeys on his body that didn’t belong to her. Or when he would openly flirt with numerous women in front of her, knowing damn well she wouldn’t leave. He had hurt over and over, and she had stayed. She didn’t give up on him, she didn’t call him names, she didn’t do anything, just accepted it because she knew who he was.

But he didn’t want to be like that anymore, he wanted her.

“I’m what’s best for you pussycat.” He said before crushing his lips into hers.


End file.
